Duck?

The ringer on my iPhone is set to quack like a duck, and every time it rang the good people of Masset looked up in the sky to see the duck. I love that about Haida Gwaii.

Turn Right at Guud k'yuuwaas

Way down south in the North, far from the mainland but close to the pan handle, where there seems to be more eagles than seagulls, and a Chinese restaurant for every 300 people, is the town in which I have spent more time than any other place in our country outside of home. This town, (village really, because the population is only 900 people), is on an island called Graham, and is part of what was once called the Queen Charlotte Islands but is now called Haida Gwaii.

Masset is the town where military personnel lived when they weren't at the listening station, listening to the Soviets during the cold war. Masset is where a local coffee shop dug in it's heels against the might of the Starbucks Empire when Starbucks didn't like the name Haida Bucks. Masset is where, if you're lucky, you can catch a 300lb halibut or collect scallops on the beach. And just down the road from Masset is Old Masset where the street signs are shaped like canoes and only printed on one side, so you can find your way in but not out.

I still remember the first time I arrived in Haida Gwaii years ago and was shocked to find the locals already knew all the "secrets" about the project I was about to start. And when I rented a truck at the airport they told me explicitly not to bring it back with blood in it.

On my second visit I found Englehart's Oceanview Lodge and the Hidden Island RV Park, the best places to get breakfast and dinner respectively.

Now, three.

The Big Smoked

I'm back in the Big Smoke and "The Big Smoke" has gone teats up, which both saddens me and makes me concerned about the future of our domesticated animals.

Domesticated animals aren't like wild animals. If they were wild animals they could be released into their natural habitat, but they have no "natural" habitat. The natural habitat of a domesticated animal is human made. Livestock have been created by humans from wild animals for the sole purpose of feeding humans. If we do not eat those animals, humans will stop raising them and they will become extinct. It is very important for us to eat these animals to preserve their species. I don't care if you're a vegan, extinct is forever.

Like domesticated animals, humans also do not have a "natural" habitat. We do not function well in the forest which is why we convert the forest into cities. The result is a food chain basically like this: farmer grows grain, cow eats grain, farmer eats cow, grain eats cow shit. It is a simple food chain and it works for us. Don't screw with it by hunting; that is not our food chain. We don't live in the forest so we shouldn't get our food from it. Think about it, there are 1 million moose in Canada and there are 15 million cows; hunting is not sustainable at the earth's current human population.

We all must pull together to eat pulled pork and preserve the future of livestock and human kind alike. Support your local BBQ pit!

Antichrist-mas

On Boxing Day we battle (Wrath) crowds of crazed (Anger) shoppers desperately trying to obtain (Lust) a better deal (Greed) than everyone else (Envy/Pride); or we just sit around watching football (Sloth). So, why in Hell do we celebrate Boxing Day?

Snow Plow

I woke to the sound of a slow plow blade scraping the asphalt on the road outside my hotel room window. It sounds a little like a jet engine. I lay in bed for awhile wondering how long it would be until they plowed the road next to my job site and I think about how much damage snow plows have done to the site over the years. I plan my escape route in case I see a snow plow bearing down on me and then get up for breakfast. Pancakes.

Vernon

I've been staring at the screen trying to write about Vernon, but nothing seems to...

It snows here in winter, which is great for skiing, but not so great for work. We've been lucky so far; once when I was out here the snow plows buried the door to our equipment building and I had to dig it out by hand. Heavy, brown, slushy, snowplow snow.

They have a bike park nearby, but it is closed for the season. This makes me feel sad.

I had dinner at Kelly O'Bryan's. It's a very Irish sounding place and there is a shamrock on the menu, but the waitresses wore kilts which is very Scottish. I thought "maybe the waitresses all attend the same Irish Private School and they came to work straight from class", but I noticed a waiter wearing one too; and it pushed the thought out of my head; and no matter how hard I tried I couldn't get it back in.

I'm staying at the Village Green Hotel and my toilet has a square seat. This time I decided to unpack my suitcase and put my clothes in the dresser. It is a single deep drawer which makes unpacking very easy. Clothes in the dresser; what a trip.

....come to mind.

Flying Baby

Someone cut in front of my wife who was next in line for a bathroom stall at Pearson International Airport in Toronto. She exchanged horrified looks with a girl who was sporting a purple mohawk and also waiting in line. A 50-something woman was rude enough to disgust a girl with a purple mohawk. This sums up our overall experience at YYZ.

When you fly with a baby they make you hold her in your lap because she is too small to wear a seatbelt and they haven't come up with a better idea. Think about it; if you held your baby in your lap while you were driving in a car, an angry mob would appear and stone you to death. You're not even supposed to jog with a baby strapped into a jogging stroller with a 5 point harness until she's a year old. HEADLINE: "YUMMY MOMMY CRASHES INTO SWAMP, KILLING ALL PASSENGERS ON BOARD, WHILE JOGGING AT THE BEACH". Maybe air travel is safer than jogging.

On the plane a flight attendant instructed me to hold the baby against my chest during take off and landing, but you can't hold your carry on baggage against your chest during take off and landing. For the safety of passengers please stow carry on baggage under the seat in front of you. After all you wouldn't want carry on baggage flying around the plane, someone might get hurt.

Luckily the plane didn't crash on take off, oxygen masks didn't drop from overhead, and I wasn't struck by a flying infant. During the flight I held the baby on my lap, as instructed, and she seemed to be having a fine time. Then without warning and very rapidly, the guy in front of me lowered his seat back and struck my daughter on the head. Fun times over.