Flying Baby

Someone cut in front of my wife who was next in line for a bathroom stall at Pearson International Airport in Toronto. She exchanged horrified looks with a girl who was sporting a purple mohawk and also waiting in line. A 50-something woman was rude enough to disgust a girl with a purple mohawk. This sums up our overall experience at YYZ.

When you fly with a baby they make you hold her in your lap because she is too small to wear a seatbelt and they haven't come up with a better idea. Think about it; if you held your baby in your lap while you were driving in a car, an angry mob would appear and stone you to death. You're not even supposed to jog with a baby strapped into a jogging stroller with a 5 point harness until she's a year old. HEADLINE: "YUMMY MOMMY CRASHES INTO SWAMP, KILLING ALL PASSENGERS ON BOARD, WHILE JOGGING AT THE BEACH". Maybe air travel is safer than jogging.

On the plane a flight attendant instructed me to hold the baby against my chest during take off and landing, but you can't hold your carry on baggage against your chest during take off and landing. For the safety of passengers please stow carry on baggage under the seat in front of you. After all you wouldn't want carry on baggage flying around the plane, someone might get hurt.

Luckily the plane didn't crash on take off, oxygen masks didn't drop from overhead, and I wasn't struck by a flying infant. During the flight I held the baby on my lap, as instructed, and she seemed to be having a fine time. Then without warning and very rapidly, the guy in front of me lowered his seat back and struck my daughter on the head. Fun times over.